I have always thought of myself as semi-graceful, that is was just a weird coincidence that I would fall down, run into things and what-not. That maybe gravity and I were not friends, upon review it may be more then gravity that I have a problem with. Sure, I do randomly fall down. Like the time I was talking to Justin at work and while standing next to his desk my knee was overcome and decided to take a break. Just started to tip over. Luckily Justin’s quick laugh reflex and his desk saved me from falling completely on my side. Or the time I was walking into the lobby at work and with a room full of people I toppled over like a tree. The collective gasp of ‘OH’ helped to muffle my started squeak. When I look at these things, I think it is gravity that is doing me wrong. Yet there are other incidents I need to consider.
Like the time I was interviewing and walked right into a glass door on my way out. I got the job, but I always felt whenever my boss and I were walking somewhere he was watching to make sure I didn’t walk into things. I guess it was nice that he cared. There was also the time that when leaving the cafeteria at work I walked into a tree, well it wasn’t a real tree, first impression made me think it was. I bammed right into it, bounced off and was caught by two strong hands before landing on my butt. I looked up and up and laid my hands on his chest to steady myself, as I did my brain caught up with my eyes. Unfortunately my internal sensor did not catch up as ‘OHHHHHHhhhhh’ came out of my mouth in reaction to the fine male in front of me. (I of course turned an interesting shade of red, mumbled an apology and scuttled away). So I thought to myself maybe it is work that causes me to have these issues of running into things
But I thought some more, and came up with the time I knocked myself out on main street in Oconto Falls. I was much younger and shorter then. We were helping a family friend and went to put something in the rental truck. Have you ever noticed that they put large metal framing around the side mirrors? I had never noticed, till I found it with my head. I guess my theory was that I was short enough to walk under the side mirror, which was true. I was not short enough to walk under the metal bracing of the side mirror. I walked into it and knocked myself to my knees. Well, this is what I’m assuming happened, what I actually recall is walking forward and suddenly I was on the ground with a large headache.
Then there was the epic bathroom battle with a spider. This wasn’t a normal spider, it had cunning and strategy on it’s side. I was showering and noticed it in the corner. I made a deal with it, it would stay where it was, and I would leave it be. The spider broke our treaty. As I was drying off, the spider made a play for the middle of the room. I said ‘Game On,’ unfortunately so did the spider. I’m standing there with a towel around my head and decide to swat it with another towel. I’m not sure why I thought a towel was an appropriate weapon against the spider; in retrospect I was very wrong. The spider deployed evasive maneuvers, and then dropped onto my toweled head. I squealed and tried to tear the towel off my head, unfortunately the towel was caught on my earring, and as I tried to get the towel off my earring and my head I saw the spider dangling down in front of me. I tried to back away, but it followed me (most likely due to the fact that it was hanging from said towel.) I quickly turned to walk out of the bathroom; my flight instinct had kicked in. Unfortunately my survival instinct did not and I ran into the bathroom door. At this point the towel came undone from my earring and I sat down in immense pain. I don’t know where the spider went, not initially. After a short recovery period, I saw it on the wall. I carefully gathered it up and put it outside, for the spider had successfully kicked my ass. It won the right to freedom.
Taking these things into consideration I may have more problems than just gravity.
as i have been saying for years
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