Most days I enjoy being a girl. I like being pretty and feminine, I like not having to kill bugs (though I can if the situation presents itself), I like high heels and smelling pretty, I like flirting with cute boys. I definitely like being a girl. But some days, some days I could do without. Like the days when my emotions seem to be controlled by a demonic bunny. When I swing between wanting to curl up with my stuffed monkey and wanting to unleash the fury of nuclear warheads upon those around me.
I may need to create some type of sign, beware, crazy girl in vicinity. Let the world know that at any moment I may cry or hit. No way of actually projecting which will occur. It starts out simple enough. I wake up, maybe I’m a little tired, maybe I had a dream that make me feel squishy. Then I go about my day. Suddenly everything that is being said is being decoded to mean something else. The problem is my decoder ring is defective. “Have a nice day.” Is secret code for, “I know your day is going to suck and it makes me smile on the inside.” Or “Nice pants” means “I find it hilarious how big your ass looks in those.” The examples go on and on, but you get the drift. EVERYONE is mean, and my reaction is to either burst into tears or to hit them. So I walk around all day on the verge of an emotional breakdown. Living for tomorrow when the demonic bunny goes back to sleep. Since I’m in the middle of my demonic bunny possession I’ve been pondering random thoughts. Trying to keep myself and others safe.
Some things I would like answers on:
At this point, is there an abundance of men who are not aware that Calais exists? Based on the amount of commercial time used to advertise it, I’m going to say yes. Which is odd, since American’s watch a lot of TV, so I would have thought everyone is well aware that a little pill will fix erective dysfunction, assuming they don’t have a heart attack in the process? (Taking a moment to tip a glass to G’ma). All I know is I’m bored with all the commercials about being ready when the time is right. Also, who are these people that frolic in separate bathtubs in the back yard? Or get turned on by looking in the refrigerator. What is in there???
HDTV commercials. If I don’t have an HDTV showing me how awesome the will look is, the purpose of the commercial is lost on me. If I have an HDTV showing the commercial is redundant. I find these commercials to be useless.
Shooting fish in a barrel. Why are there fish in a barrel, and if they are in a barrel, why shoot them? Just grab one out. Shooting them, pardon the pun is overkill.
All dressed up with nowhere to go.. why did you dress up? When I have nowhere to go, I stay in my pajamas all day. I assumed everyone did this; do people really get dressed up when they don’t need to?
Monies, it is not a word. Money is both plural and singular. I remember learning this in school. Why has it changed? Monies is a stupid word. It sounds stupid, it looks stupid. It is stupid. I refuse to acknowledge that it exists except for right now, when I’m talking about how stupid it is.
Indiana is not my favorite state. Here are some laws that I feel support why Indiana and I do not get along:
• If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices.
• Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session.
• Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.
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