Magic Monkeys

I wanted to start a blog for a couple of reasons, one I am happiest when I am writing and two I have some weird and messed up stories. What I forgot to add to the equation is that I’m easily distracted and scatterbrained. Well maybe not scatterbrained, I just have a thousand thoughts at one time, so it’s hard for me to settle on one. It is a struggle to pull one thought out and stick with it.

Do I write about the weird interactions I have had with people. This would be a good transition into the guy who asked me to pee on him, or do I talk about my dysfunctional family some more. I have Grandma stories that can go on forever.

I could tell horrific stories of past relationships, how my ex thought it was normal to pass out on the toilet. I could talk about how my brain works, giving more examples as to why blogging may be beyond my capacity. For example the other day I spent way too much time designing a sliding bookshelf as a door into a bathroom. This would be from the library into a guest bathroom. Since I don’t have a house with a library, I had to first design the house, then the library, then the logistics of the door. If it operates on the premise that the door opens by sliding a book out, how do I look it from the inside, so that people didn’t walk in on one another. There is nothing worse than when someone walks in on you in the bathroom, though the conversation is always the same. They apologize for doing it, and you sa it’s ok. When it really isn’t. No one finds it ok to be walked in on in the bathroom, it is not socially acceptable. What was I talking about? Oh yes idea’s for a blog, I could tell a story about how sometimes I randomly fall down. Or that awkward moment on a date when you are trying to decide, handshake, kiss or hug.

Instead I think I will tell a story about something that happened at work today. But first I need to set the scene, at work I am a full fledge adult. I work in Corporate America; most of my days are spent running or attending meetings. Which means I have to be knowledgeable and articulate. I have to inspire confidence that I understand what is going on, help find solutions to ongoing issues, develop and maintain plans. All things that are very adult, no day dreaming or childhood whimsy involved. Most days this takes all my energy to do, but I manage to get it done. I need to take a moment to admit that I’m normally sarcastic and have a dry sense of humor. I deal with stress and tension by being inappropriate. So sometimes it’s an effort to not make jokes about kicking bunnies and snaggletooth people. Most days. Today was not one of those days.

During one of my meetings today we were having a discussion about some unachievable deadlines. A suggestion was made that was to me rather ludicrous. I responded with ‘well that will only happen if we get some magic monkey’s in here.’ As soon as it was said, the quietness descended, I tried desperately to think of a way to cover the mistake. But my mind was blank, all I could think about was magical monkeys and all that they could do. I mean sure, they would wreck havoc because they are not known for cleaning up after themselves, but they could get the job done. Then I realized the awkward silence had gone on too long. It was now obvious to everyone on the phone that I had not only stated magic monkeys I had no recovery. Finally a co-worker broke the silence with a laugh and “Magic Monkey’s we need some of those.” Laughter ensued. I thought ok, I can recover. Nope the rest of the meeting magic monkeys were brought up. It is moments like these that I understand why I think working in corporate America is not the right career choice for me.

I would like to say I will post again soon, but I don’t want to lie. I do promise to try. Cause I realized I also have hilarious pet stories.