A friend and mine were talking the other day and he brought up an interesting point, why does Chick-fil-A use Dairy Cows in their advertising? For those of you not familiar, their promotions are Dairy Cows stating ‘save the cows, eat more chicken.’ I’m no cow expert, though I am from the Dairy State, but normally Dairy Cows are not where beef comes from. I’m not saying that when old Bessie dries up she isn’t made into yummy Manwich sandwiches, but the majority of beef comes from beef cattle. So eating more chicken will not have any real benefit for Dairy Cows. Did someone in marketing not understand the difference in cows, did they think Dairy cows were cuter then beef cows? I ask, why are they using them for their advertising? I think we need to get a petition together to ask them to stop using Dairy cows and start showing nice big Longhorn Cattle instead.
Why do people feel it’s necessary to ask every time they have seen me how the job hunt is going and if I have found a job yet? Here is a little hint, if I get a job, everyone will know, it will not be one of the secrets that I keep. As a matter of fact, when I get a job, there will probably be some type of booty dance involved. So no worries, word will get out, you do not need to continuously ask. Also, if you have ever had to hunt for a job, you know that it is a painfully slow process. It’s boring and annoying and frustrating. When you ask how it is going, do you want me to lament about how it’s boring, annoying and frustrating? About how I’ve applied to over 50 places and have not heard back from the majority of them? Cause I can, but I’m guessing you don’t want to hear that. So do us a both a favor and don’t ask these questions. If any funny stories occur I will share, if I job offer comes in, I will share. No need to ask, I will share. I share.
Moving on, why in all the cute cat pictures do they have writing that implies the while cat can talk; it can’t write or speak normal English? It is always ‘youz stole my cookie’ or ‘Ize so cute’. If they are smart enough to talk, I think they would have the ability to talk in English, not some weird broken down uneducated version of it. Especially since there are pictures of babies with machine guns, smoking cigars stating ‘I’m going to kill you Mother Fucker.’ If a baby can handle the concept of English, why can a cat not. I mean I am all for animals having personality, but let’s draw a line and state they can speak English. As a matter of fact all my pets have personalities. Farley is a Surfer dude, laid back and relaxed. He’s thoughts often run along the lines of ‘Whoa, dude, let’s go outside and smell around’ or ‘I’m just chilling on the bed.’ Lou on the other hand is a five year old boy who has eaten too much Halloween Candy. ‘I’m going to run over here, no I’m going to run over there, no wait I’m going to go chew on Farley’s ear.’ Gabby is a prima donna who doesn’t understand why people are not devoting their whole life to adoring her ‘I’m sleeping, why are you not petting me, the dogs are too close, adore me.’ And Perrin is a curmudgeonly man who hates everyone. He sits in his little home, hissing at everyone that comes by stating ‘you put one hand on my turf and I will shoot if off.’ So I’m all for personalities of animals, but the cute cats that talk uneducated English are annoying.
This next part is not really my story. But I love it so much I am compelled to share it, I may not fully remember the conversation clearly, but this is the jist. We are in the bar, chilling out, when Dan comes back from the bathroom and states ‘I’m going to the bathroom when I hear someone walk out the stall without flushing. I craned my neck around to get a look at the guy who didn’t flush as he washed his hands. After I finished my business I went to the stall to verify that he didn’t flush, and true enough there was kids in the pool that he had dropped off.’ As Dan is telling this story he is looking around the bar, to find the guy who shit and didn’t flush. He sees him at the bar.
Points at him and states loudly, ‘That’s the guy, that’s the guy that took a shit in the bar and didn’t flush’
Poo Guy: ‘Wasn’t me’
Dan: ‘No, it was, I saw you. You shit and didn’t flush. Were you just in the bathroom?’
Poo Guy: ‘Well yes, a bit ago, but it wasn’t me’
Dan: ‘Dude, you took a shit in the bar bathroom and didn’t flush. What kind of person does that?’
Guy totally ends up flustered. Thank you, Dan, for being my hero. For calling out the person who doesn’t bother to flush the toilet when they are done. We need more people like you in the world.
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